I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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