All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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