You really coming over, don't trick.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
