Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm at about main and main street
That accounts for only three of the penises
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
