isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
