Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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