Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
