i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
