Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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