Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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