I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
