I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
