Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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