I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
