As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
