Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
