you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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