If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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