Nicole vs. Life
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
