Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
