Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
