All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
