I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
I think she lost me at about the point where the words โIce Cream Enemaโ were spoken.
Randomize
