Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
