That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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