I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
