It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
