oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
