you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
