I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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