He is an equal opportunity slut.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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