AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
