I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
