Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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