Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize
