The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She bit a glass in half.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
