your thong is hanging out like whoa
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
