god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
