so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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