I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
