Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Can't talk, ducks in the car
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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