Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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