My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
