yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
