i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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