Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
