A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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