She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
