"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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