I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
