I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
