Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
