I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize