I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
