hotel room ftw
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
