i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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