i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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