I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
