Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
