the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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