the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I currently don't understand fingers.
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