I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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