I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
