I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize