Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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