my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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