If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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