Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Nicole vs. Life
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
