Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
