every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
