I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
