it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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