Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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