I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
