During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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