I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
