Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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