i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
