areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
